Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

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Since I’m failing completely and utterly to kickstart my love life, I want to hear all your stories about how, where and when you met your significant other.  Please give me hope that finding love is not impossible, cause right now, I’m thinking of packing it all in and resigning myself to spinster status.  I would start on my cat collection, but my apartment building has a strict No Animals rule.

At the moment, internet dating is coming up with a big fat nothing, even when I cast my net across the whole entire world. I’m still left wondering how OkCupid can give me a 82% compatibility rating with an extremely lovely girl with whom I don’t have a single thing in common with – not a single book, movie, musician, hobby- seriously nothing in common. It made for an interesting start to the year, but really failed to deliver.

So please, give me hope that love is out there before I start sneaking cats into my apartment.

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About Meg

A thirty something queer Aussie geek girl who now lives in Germany.
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21 Responses to Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

  1. All of my most successful relationships have started with a totally random meeting. My current amazing boyfriend (THE One!) I met while here in Germany summer 2010 with my Dad. We came to see his favorite cousin, who was very ill, and her time on Earth was limited. So we came to DE for two weeks to see her. We also tooled around, and I had a life long goal of sleeping in a brewery (sad as that may be). My Dad was game (bless him) and we did! While there, my Dad went up to bed, and I stayed downstairs and carried on. My now BF saw me, and PING! had to come over to talk to me, and I felt the same when he came over. We closed the place just talking, and thanks to email, facebook, and the like….here I am! It´ll happen. I never, ever in a million years thought I would meet the man of my dreams on a trip with my Dad. ever.

  2. I agree that sometimes the best relationships start with a completely random meeting. I met my Hubs while visiting Germany on a business trip….drank a little too much in a bar with colleagues and went outside for some air where I immediately got lost from my group. My now husband saw me sitting on the curb and came over to see if he could help and despite some barriers with language we hit it off and have been together ever since. Wasn’t looking for it, especially not with someone an ocean away, but that’s sometimes how love goes. When you least expect it, huh? Try not to stress….love is out there, sometimes you just have to wait until it finds YOU. :)

  3. He was the friend of a friend of a friend. We both subletted from friends in the same house one summer, so we basically met by living together! And like the others, I definitely did not think that was going to happen. I had been dreading that summer thinking I was going to be living in some fratty wasteland. Surprise!

  4. Daniel says:

    I met my wife in a training course at our local job center. We had just graduated from university and were both unemployed. By the second day, I had completely fallen for her. The course was completely shite and the other participants were wondering why we always attended… This couldn’t have happened at a better time, too, because I had been unlucky in love for so long that I was getting desperate.

  5. Anne says:

    Honestly, I had pretty much given up and resigned myself to spinsterhood. As I had 2 cats already (living with my parents in the US), even 1 more cat would put me immediately into crazy cat lady territory and I suppressed that urge :)

    But I was trying to meet new friends here so I went to a Sunday brunch someone posted on Toytown for people who were new in town and interested in meeting new people. Not a great set up for mingling…30 people at one loooong table against the back wall, so that you mostly only talked to the 4-5 people around you.
    Luckily I took one of the last spots and was seated across from a really interesting guy.
    2 years later, we’re planning our wedding!

    We met by chance, but at the same time I think I was finally in the right “place” emotionally to meet someone. Also, I guess it may have been easier because I wasn’t trying hard to meet someone or worrying about impressing him. And I guess I was just having fun and being myself.

    Definitely don’t give up. It’s incredibly frustrating to not know what will happen or when you’ll find love. And the harder it gets, the more it’s stressful, and often the more it affects interactions with people. But love does find you. Unfortunately it doesn’t make an appointment or let you know when it’s coming.

  6. Frau Dietz says:

    I know exactly how you feel Meg and it’s shit, it’s really shit, but please don’t give up hope… although having said that, if you do then you’ll probably immediately find the girl you’re looking for: I have to agree with the others that it totally happens when you least expect it! During my worst period of excruciating, exhausting exasperation about not being with anyone, my problem was that I tried SO hard not to expect anything that I expected it around every corner.

    I met B on the internet (Guardian Soulmates) after I’d just come out of a shit 5 year relationship, quit my job and booked a one way ticket out of the country for six months later. I joined the site looking just to meet new people outside my circle of friends, I certainly wasn’t after another relationship… and I’d never been on a date before in my life! B was the last person that I met through the site before my three-month subscription ended… and he proposed to me the day before I left on my travels :)

  7. Mandi says:

    D and I also met through a local website in New York, and although my profile was active, there was so much going on in my life at the moment that I was pretty distracted by everything else and wasn’t really concentrating on dating. But luckily D was persistent enough to catch my attention, otherwise we might have never met!

    In short, don’t give up! Fill your life with the things you’re passionate about and make yourself happy, and things will come together eventually.

    Also, with internet dating, I found it was good to take a break once in awhile before I lost complete perspective, then I would always start back in when I was ready.

    • Riayn says:

      Nice to hear another internet dating success story. I’ve taken a break from internet dating and have just gotten back into it, but I’m still finding it rather unrewarding.

  8. I’ve never tried internet dating, but I have heard a lot of happy stories from others about it so fingers crossed for you too! Damn, remember how recently meeting people over the internet was totally taboo? I love that that has changed. And who knows, seems like as long as you’re putting yourself out there and not spending all your time alone in your apartment, then the odds that you and someone awesome will cross paths aren’t too shabby. Even if it is damn near impossible being patient about such things. Good luck! Hope you don’t let it get you in too much of a funk.

    Anyway, to answer the question, I met my current partner at a demonstration (against fur for fashion) through a mutual friend. We ended up hanging out in a group the entire rest of the day and night and we talked a lot and were both slyly/shyly eyeing the other one up and unsure if the other was interested or not when I just decided to blurt out one of the least smooth relationship starter lines of my career. “So I have been flirting with you all night, but I’m really not sure if you’re interested, so if it’s making you feel uncomfortable please tell me and I’ll stop.” Ha. After that he said “Oh me too!” and we had our first hug and then kiss. I’ve generally had a lot of luck meeting people at events revolving around a specific interest that then immediately gave us something in common. Critical Mass bike rides were a really great place for me, for example.

    My fingers are crossed for you.

  9. Alison says:

    Previously I’ve met people through friends, usually at house parties. After spending 3yrs in Sydney and not really having any luck with meeting anybody I started to wonder if something was broken about me. I got a job offer in Brisbane so within the space of 4wks I’d packed and moved my life back to where I went to uni and worked for a year after.

    A friend asked me along to the weekly coffee meet-up that some Brisbane Twitter people go to. Not one to say no to a coffee I went one week. I met this guy there, thought he was nice and wrote him off as all nice guys I meet tend to be unavailable. I feeling very homesick for Sydney and found myself talking more to him; he organised weekend stuff to get out of the house and out with people. A month passes, my housemate has got sick of me talking about how I’m into this guy but too afraid to tell him. She met him herself and was convinced he feels the same. I invited him to dinner with some people and somebody asked us how long we’ve been together (not knowing we weren’t). After dinner he went out of his way to walk me to the ferry stop and while waiting we wind up admitting we’re mutually interested in each other. A few days later at my housewarming I asked him to be my boyfriend.

    Totally didn’t expect to meet the man I’ve spent the last 15months with less than 2 months after moving interstate but it happens like that sometimes. Since being together we’ve found a few coincidences and I’m not sure how we didn’t meet before now but really I’m glad I had some years by myself to get my crap together and work out what I want from a partner. We’ve spent the last 3wks away together and it’s been wonderful but it will be nice to be home :)

    Don’t give up, I realise how smug it might sound but it will happen and there are plenty of ways to meet people. Not finding who you’re after sucks, I’ve been there! Hang with friends, be selfish and enjoy some me time as it won’t last forever.

  10. Kell says:

    Riayn,
    My advice would be to stop looking, just enjoy you for awhile. So what you’ve been single for a bit! Like you, I was in a long term relationship and was devastated when it ended. After a year of being lost, I realized I need to enjoy me. I’ve come to love doing things by myself, like cinema, plays, traveling, or simply being home doing nothing. You’ll then find that people will find you and want to be around you because they see you as interesting and self-reliant.
    That is where the decisions come in because then you may find (as I did), I just want to be single right now.

    • Riayn says:

      I’ve been enjoying single life for the past 18 months and loving the freedom to go out and do what I want when I want, but now I’m feeling I would like some romantic companionship now and again.

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