How Soon Is Too Soon To Date? And How Does One Do It Anyway?

I’ve been single for 9 months now and that has been a very good thing for me. I must admit that now I’ve settled into it, I’m really enjoying the single life.  However, I miss flirting and kissing and sex and I’ve been thinking more and more about getting back into dating.  I’m not sure I’m ready for a serious long term relationship but I’m definitely ready for having some fun.

However, I’m not sure how soon is too soon to start dating after coming out of a long term relationship.  My ex decided to start dating whilst still in a relationship, but I choose to be more classy than that as I feel I owe it to the person I’m dating to have as little emotional baggage as I can from my previous relationship.  But how soon is too soon and can one really put a time limit on it?  I’ve been told you should wait one month for every year your last relationship lasted to work through all the crap you come out of relationship is.  So far that has been fairly good advice, but does anyone have anything better?

I’m wondering if most of my ‘is it too soon?’ angsting is because I really have no idea how to begin dating.  Thanks to the infamous Inner West Lesbian Web of Death, I have always ended up in relationships with my friends.  This is now not an option since none of my friends here are gay. I will have to step completely out of my comfort zone and actually date (yikes!).  How on earth does one do that?  How do you even meet people in a country where you barely speak the language and in a city where you have no idea about the queer community? I fear I will have to take a running jump out of my comfort zone and just go to a lesbian bar and start flirting.  Did I mention that even though I love flirting, I’m incredibly bad at flirting with people I don’t know? It terrifies me.  Perhaps this new chapter of my life is all about teaching me to get up the courage to do the things that scare me the most.

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About Meg

A thirty something queer Aussie geek girl who now lives in Germany.
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11 Responses to How Soon Is Too Soon To Date? And How Does One Do It Anyway?

  1. outoutout says:

    LOL at the “Inner West Lesbian Web of Death” – it’s legendary, they say! :-D

    I’m honestly not sure. I met my partner online. And I wasn’t even looking to meet anyone (I’d just exited a 7-yr relationship that turned abusive). It just happened. I don’t think there are any hard-and-fast rules for jumping back into the dating pool. If you feel ready, then go for it!

    As for meeting people… have you had any contact with the lesbian community in your area? Gone to any events? I’m just wondering if that might be easier than trying to wing it at the bar. I dunno… I was never really into the scene and never had any luck at bars. But that might be just me. Either way, good luck!

  2. The “infamous Inner West Lesbian Web of Death”.

    Inner Melbourne or Inner Sydney? A Dykehardt gal, perhaps?

    • Riayn says:

      I was referring to the Inner West in Sydney, so yes the Dykehardts :)
      However, every city it seems has its own Lesbian Web of Death. Unfortunately, I haven’t found the Hamburg version yet.

  3. Liron says:

    I’m not in a monogamous relationship, so it’s difficult for me to answer in a different set of terms. I think it’s okay for you to still think about your ex while pursuing a new relationship – you may still even have feelings for her, and that’s totally fine – these types of feelings are natural and okay. Take your time and do what feels right, if you find yourself in a great new relationship, she’ll be patient with you and understanding about what you’re going through. After all – dating is also about making new friends. There’s no room for jealousy in that matrix.

    If you feel in the mood for flirting – go on ahead! Who knows who you’ll meet or what’ll happen. Just relax and have a good time.

    In Hamburg, you might want to try LovePop on Wednesdays (and every second Friday) at Kir ( from 23:00. It’s a dance bar.

    • Riayn says:

      Definitely over my ex, so no problems there. :) I guess I just over analysis and worry about things.

      Is Kir gay and lesbian or just lesbian? It seems to be both, which would be awesome as one of my dearest friends here is gay and we’ve been trying to find a bar where both of us could go and potentially pick up.

  4. Pingback: Is something in your eye? Oh! You were Flirting! | Madeline Scribes

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