My Love Life Is DOA

There should probably be a ban against using lines from the Friends theme song as blog titles, but it is so damn fitting that it was literally screaming out to be used. Apologises to everyone who has an adverse reaction to 90s sitcoms.

After I moved to Germany and had a rather not so great foray into the world of online dating, I figured I really needed a year off from relationships to get my head back to a healthy place and to get myself settled in my new city. Well, that one year self moratorium on dating is up and I feel emotionally ready to get back into the game. There is only one slight problem, I have no damn idea how to go about it. Not a single one.  You see, I’ve never been on a date. Ever. I just wound up in relationships with my friends. This was easy, become friends, sense a growing attraction and then bam, you are in a relationship. No awkward first dates, no blind dates, no dating of any kind.

However, now I’m living in a different country and I no longer have a handy network of lesbian friends I can hook up with or can use to meet other lesbians. In fact, I don’t know any lesbians in Hamburg at all.  All my friends are straight, with the exception of my one gay male friend who also doesn’t know any lesbians.

I know I could just go out to a lesbian club and if I was damn lucky find a one night stand, but to be honest, that isn’t what I’m looking for. I gotta admit I’m an intellect snob.  Sure, a pretty package can aid the attraction, but if the girl is not intelligent then I am not interested. The likelihood I’m going to meet a girl that I can discuss world politics and science with at a lesbian nightclub is pretty damn remote.  Add to that meeting a girl around my age at one who doesn’t have a girlfriend in tow is almost nil and you can begin to see why, for me, that isn’t exactly a viable dating option.

As for online dating, I’m not feeling the love there either.  I dunno why, I’m just not. Probably because I haven’t found a single girl on there that lives even remotely close to Hamburg.  Then again, given my ridiculously busy schedule maybe a long distance relationship might be a good thing.  At least then, she couldn’t complain that I don’t have time for her.

There are times when I think I’m throwing up all these excuses for not being able date simply cause I’m scared to.  Dating seems damn scary and rather judgemental, which is why I think I’ve always had relationships with friends. Also, 10 years out of even having to think about dating is a really long time.

If anyone has any advice on easing oneself back into the dating game especially in a country where you barely speak the language, please, please give it to me. In the meantime I will go back to my crushes on straights girls and CNN reporters.  At least I already know where they will go…. nowhere.

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About Meg

A thirty something queer Aussie geek girl who now lives in Germany.
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15 Responses to My Love Life Is DOA

  1. carolina says:

    You can’t possibly imagine how MUCH I relate to this! My case might even be more pathetic because I live in a country where I know the language, I know where I might be able to find like-minded women that would possibly interest me. I think I’m just much too afraid to put myself out there.

    You crack me up with the whole, not being able to find an intelligent woman with your interests, in the club. Why EVER would you think that? Hahaha.

    I’ve been single going on 3 years and even thought that is very strage for me, it’s been refreshing to just “do me” for a while. But I have to admit, the pangs of longing for a girlfriend come around much more often than I would like them to. And I’m thoroughly convinced any girl I would really be into, probably already has a girlfriend. I mean, don’t they all?

    • Riayn says:

      I agree. I have really enjoyed being single and just having to worry about me, but on the same hand, I have had those ‘pangs’ on wanting to be in a relationship too.
      I also think those rather self-defeating thoughts that any intelligent and gorgeous woman would also have a girlfriend. Why do we do that to ourselves? Surely, there has to be some fantastic women out there who are also single, right?

  2. julia ray says:

    Hai Riyan – I agree with you ,outside there got a lot fantastic women .Remember you
    should’nt forget about your happines.Dating is the best option to avoid a lonely and uninteresting life.It is a fun and enjoyable activity,if you worried where should you start meet girl nearest to you
    you can ‘link me up at julia ray’.Good Luck

    (Link removed. Was a link to an adult friend finder site)

    • Riayn says:

      I’ve got to admit that I’m kinda offended that you would think that I lead a lonely and uninteresting life because I’m not dating. The year that I’ve been single is one of the most interesting years of my life and I most definitely have not been lonely. Would I like to have another relationship? Sure, but I’m not spending my life pining away for one.

  3. I am glad I stumbled across your blog – you officially have a new follower! Your situation is very close to what I experienced after college – how the heck do you get started at this thing?

    Best of luck to you – I wish I had a good head on my shoulders like it sounds you do :)

    • Riayn says:

      Welcome to this blog of my inane thoughts. Pull up a chair and make yourself at home. I would love to know how you get started at this thing. If I find out, I will let you know.

  4. Can’t help you, unfortunately. I’m straight and also single. LOL

  5. nothing wrong with being a Wit Queen

  6. Alisha says:

    What ? Intelligent, gorgeous AND single ? HERE I am, now what are your other 2 wishes ? LOL. Also relate to this. I live in my own country, but hey.. who speaks the language of seduction ? I don’t. I’m also not interested in the overly stereopytical gay types in bars. No thanks :s Actually I’m just single again, but I want to learn to be on my own. Maybe have a few friends I can connect with. But the idea of really being into someone that is also into me.. it seems fairly impossible at the moment. Gay and ASD. Great.

    • Riayn says:

      I’m so sorry that you have found yourself single, but I think learning to be on your own and getting rid of some emotional baggage is a really good idea before entering into another relationship. I’m a far better person one year out from my last relationship then I was when I was just recently single.

  7. Pingback: Temporary Relationships, Lesbians and Squish « The mumblings of a Monster

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